My weekend started out rough as both Master and I were feeling so crappy on Friday that we didn’t get to do our date night. But, something good came out of this. I was a bit out of it from taking a vicodin for my cramps getting so bad.. but then my phone rang, I noticed that the number was not something I recognized, and not a 1-888 number signifying a creditor..  But no, it was my son who I haven’t talked to in 15 years. I was so nervous, and it didn’t help that I was hormonal so I couldn’t contain my tears now and again.

Saturday I still wasn’t feeling great and our friend Myz was over. We all just hung out and watched movies. It was really nice. I didn’t hear from Master much but I know he was resting.

Today we slept in and then we had a big breakfast and took off to go and see the horses. It’s been awhile since we have seen them due to car troubles, money for gas, and time. But, I really miss them. I was happy that Major is finally calmer so that I was able to catch him. Unfortunately, someone stole my tack caddy, so all of my combs and brushes are gone so I didn’t get to brush out his dread mane, but that will soon be taken care of. We also brought in Freyja and brushed her down and I worked with her feet. She had a bit of a kicking spat, but we worked through it. We wormed them both as they were pretty bloated.  Myz and Ivy couldn’t catch April.. such a brat. And Myz met with the mud while trying to catch Freyja. I felt really good being able to go out and take care of them. We will definitely be doing that more often.

I came home and took a bath, as my temperature gauge is broken so I needed it to bring back up my core temperature. While in the bath I decided to try and give Christian a call. My heart still flutters even thinking about it, and it takes courage to call as I still fear rejection. But when he got on the phone and said “Hi Mom” all of my fears melted away. I talked to him about his graduation, and told him that Matt and I would like to be there for his graduation and he was really excited. I then asked him about internet access and his ability to use a cell phone. He said that in two and a half weeks he will be able to be online and use a cell phone. So I told him that I would like to buy him a cell phone, and we would cover the cost of the service, that way he could always call me, or text me without worry of being limited. He was really excited about that. I am too. I can now understand the feeling that my mom had when she screwed something up and either forgot to tell me that she wasn’t coming home, or I had to deal with one of her drunken fits which I usually ended up injured from and she would take me out to eat, or buy me something the next day. I don’t want our relationship to be like that, but at the same time, especially with something like a cell phone, it is important to both of us. But I do admit that I feel guilt for all of this time that we have been separated and I want to take care of them. So.. there is nothing wrong with spoiling him a little bit.. right? Did I mention how incredible it is to hear him call me mom? I have read and seen so many cases where children who have been separated for so long won’t even consider calling the absent parent mom, or dad.. so this really means a lot to me.

After the call, I quickly showered and got out then made meatloaf for dinner. We watched Step Up 3, and then Burlesque after that. I had never seen either one of these but I love to dance, and love to watch dance. Especially burlesque. I have always had an interest in the 20′s to 40′s and especially Burlesque. I find it alluring and sensual. As I explained it to Matt, it is one thing when someone just goes out onto a dance floor and dances, no one thinks anything of it, but when you burlesque dance.. people pay attention, it affects people’s moods, and usually in a good way.. it is memorable. That is what I love about it… I love to positively affect someone’s mood, including my own.

We ended the night getting ready for school tomorrow. It is exciting, and scary. Exciting because it is something new. Scary because it is something new and our future depends upon how well we do in these classes. But, we can do it. Until tomorrow.

 

Goodnight from little girl

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