Category: A Day in the Life of Me


Three years ago my husband and I decided to take in a girl, and her three children. At the time we were thinking that perhaps this could work out to be a poly relationship as she already had a Dominant, and they were in need of assistance. A few months after she moved out with us, she felt that her Dominant was not working out, and asked my husband if he would be willing to take her on as his submissive.

Three years later, he continued to get frustrated because she wasn’t seeming to be compatible with what he wanted. Needless to say, I was the one in the background giving advice on what could work better for her, in order for us to keep her in the family. Also, we fell in love with her three children which tends to make decision making a little more touchy.

We had moved into a three bedroom house, and another part of our kink family moved in with us. I say part of our kink family because even though they are another Dom and two submissives, they are a big part of our lives. Just to clarify. So now we have 9 people including three children who all live together and things get a little hairy now and again. Figuratively speaking. I find it interesting just how many people are bi-polar and have ADD or ADHD. I never understood the challenges until now…

Anyhow, things didn’t work out so well for my husband and this girl, but in an effort to not disrupt things, I offered to continue to guide her. Now, I am not a Dominant, but I have strict rules on how our house is run for my Daddy. Rules in which those that serve within our home obviously have to follow. But things have really been rocky as our girl just doesn’t seem to feel the same way that I, and other submissives feel about serving. She is more like a dependent than having a submissive. I didn’t understand nor see this at all until my Daddy gave me examples of how differently we react to things, like if I am told that I am not allowed to have something or do something.. To me, what ever it is that I am not allowed is gone, until my Daddy or Master wishes differently. To her, she would question why, and in some cases the rule would be assumed as a punishment, or just something that is meant for that day. So there is a big difference in the mindset. This blew me away, and made me really confused on how to work with her.

Today, we had a talk about this, and it was hard because in an essence, I am deciding to not be the one who guides her any longer. But what we decided after mulling things over was that we are good as a family. Before we used to serve our home together, we had times where we would play and color, as well as movie times, and crafting times. She had another Dom who instructed her on her submissive duties. So this is what we are going to try to do again.

Can a slave have her own submissive or slave.. yes. But this girl is not one that will. I got so wrapped up in keeping on top of her, the kids, the house, and school full time.. that I slacked in taking care of my Daddy and Master, and myself. I even stopped writing again, which is not good for me at all. Time to recover and refocus.

This has been an incredible, interesting, as well as hard week.

The hard part was that my husband/Daddy felt that after three years of struggling to understand and retrain S, she has failed to meet his expectations and as of today has been released. Having her kneeling in front of us bawling as he took off her leather temporary collar, begging to be forgiven was really hard to deal with as I could feel her pain. I know this was the right thing for him to do as he was only becoming more and more resentful of their misunderstood relationship which began causing problems with our own relationship due to me trying to mediate as well as being the outlet for him to express his frustration. I think, had his relief method been more constructive, then I could have handled things a little differently, but even so. If a person isn’t compatible with another, the worst thing to do is try to force it, or fake it. Therefore this was the best decision.

Due to this situation, we got put into another situation of.. what to do now. As she is a part of the family. She needs guidance, and the three children attached to her are now also our kids and that is something that we don’t want to change. Not only because we have fallen in love with them, but also because we have taken them from a non constructive situation, to one that is now stable and constructive. In short, we will not hurt them. So, being that I have been doing it anyhow, I will continue to be her guidance. One day at a time.

The incredible and interesting thing is that I have been talking to my son either everyday or every other day and it has been amazing. At first I was really nervous about being open with how I live, but after talking to him and expressing that I don’t want there to be anything that is kept between us, a whole new world has opened up. I even had the BDSM discussion with him. That was awkward, but I didn’t want to shock him when he comes to visit. He has a natural Dominant tendency already and I rather guide him towards appropriate education than watch him flounder. He is a rather cocky cuss, but a part of me wonders if that is him puffing up in order to impress as a way to keep from being rejected. I will never reject him, or Kaitlyn. You love your children regardless of what they do, even if they fuck up, which happens. I sent him a phone which is on our account so that he will be able to call or text me anytime once he is out of the group home. I admit, I still have fears that his dad will do something to his phone when he goes to visit. But I hope not. My son says that he has changed a lot, and I do really hope so. I have moved on from that part of my life and I do hope the best for him.  Anyhow, he is really excited about coming to visit, and so are we. There are many people who have been waiting years to see him. I think we will throw him a party when he gets here.

I have been struggling with my own submission lately as more often than not, it seems like I have so many responsibilities to keep up with that I don’t have time to give that extra mile to Daddy and Master. But I came to realize today while going over things with S, that I can make time, as I do take pride in my submission. I know that there is so much to learn and I really do want to delve into that education so that I can be of better service as their submissive, and lovers. I love them both dearly and do not ever see my life without them. Both are very different and I love everything about them, even when they are being moody. I am grateful for every moment that I have with them. So I am glad for this awakening.

Until tomorrow. Goodnight from lil girl.

 

My weekend started out rough as both Master and I were feeling so crappy on Friday that we didn’t get to do our date night. But, something good came out of this. I was a bit out of it from taking a vicodin for my cramps getting so bad.. but then my phone rang, I noticed that the number was not something I recognized, and not a 1-888 number signifying a creditor..  But no, it was my son who I haven’t talked to in 15 years. I was so nervous, and it didn’t help that I was hormonal so I couldn’t contain my tears now and again.

Saturday I still wasn’t feeling great and our friend Myz was over. We all just hung out and watched movies. It was really nice. I didn’t hear from Master much but I know he was resting.

Today we slept in and then we had a big breakfast and took off to go and see the horses. It’s been awhile since we have seen them due to car troubles, money for gas, and time. But, I really miss them. I was happy that Major is finally calmer so that I was able to catch him. Unfortunately, someone stole my tack caddy, so all of my combs and brushes are gone so I didn’t get to brush out his dread mane, but that will soon be taken care of. We also brought in Freyja and brushed her down and I worked with her feet. She had a bit of a kicking spat, but we worked through it. We wormed them both as they were pretty bloated.  Myz and Ivy couldn’t catch April.. such a brat. And Myz met with the mud while trying to catch Freyja. I felt really good being able to go out and take care of them. We will definitely be doing that more often.

I came home and took a bath, as my temperature gauge is broken so I needed it to bring back up my core temperature. While in the bath I decided to try and give Christian a call. My heart still flutters even thinking about it, and it takes courage to call as I still fear rejection. But when he got on the phone and said “Hi Mom” all of my fears melted away. I talked to him about his graduation, and told him that Matt and I would like to be there for his graduation and he was really excited. I then asked him about internet access and his ability to use a cell phone. He said that in two and a half weeks he will be able to be online and use a cell phone. So I told him that I would like to buy him a cell phone, and we would cover the cost of the service, that way he could always call me, or text me without worry of being limited. He was really excited about that. I am too. I can now understand the feeling that my mom had when she screwed something up and either forgot to tell me that she wasn’t coming home, or I had to deal with one of her drunken fits which I usually ended up injured from and she would take me out to eat, or buy me something the next day. I don’t want our relationship to be like that, but at the same time, especially with something like a cell phone, it is important to both of us. But I do admit that I feel guilt for all of this time that we have been separated and I want to take care of them. So.. there is nothing wrong with spoiling him a little bit.. right? Did I mention how incredible it is to hear him call me mom? I have read and seen so many cases where children who have been separated for so long won’t even consider calling the absent parent mom, or dad.. so this really means a lot to me.

After the call, I quickly showered and got out then made meatloaf for dinner. We watched Step Up 3, and then Burlesque after that. I had never seen either one of these but I love to dance, and love to watch dance. Especially burlesque. I have always had an interest in the 20′s to 40′s and especially Burlesque. I find it alluring and sensual. As I explained it to Matt, it is one thing when someone just goes out onto a dance floor and dances, no one thinks anything of it, but when you burlesque dance.. people pay attention, it affects people’s moods, and usually in a good way.. it is memorable. That is what I love about it… I love to positively affect someone’s mood, including my own.

We ended the night getting ready for school tomorrow. It is exciting, and scary. Exciting because it is something new. Scary because it is something new and our future depends upon how well we do in these classes. But, we can do it. Until tomorrow.

 

Goodnight from little girl

The week before school starts is always hard as is recovering from the holidays. My mind is focused upon my D/s and family schedules, bills, activities, Submission in Motion, and now school. This is my third term and I am taking four classes this time. Another anthropology class, Intermediate Algebra ( Math is not my strong point. ), a Computer Applications class, and a Photoshop class.  I am looking forward to them, but I am also stressed as home life, not even with my husband or my Master is complicated.

Today I have been rather fatigued. I am sure I am fighting the attempts to getting a cold. I took a bath this morn then went on with my day and was completely exhausted by 1.

At 3:20 my roommate checked the mail and I received a letter from my step dad and his wife with a printed copy of an email from my cousin’s husband who is an Oregon State Trooper and he had looked up my son’s information and found him in Riverside Ca. A phone number was provided. I sat in the recliner and shook. Fear, excitement, shock, disbelief.. are just some of the beginning emotions that I am feeling. I got myself well enough under control emotionally that I was able to call the number on the email. The number went to a “Children’s Therapeutic Community”  which evidently manages foster homes that help children with disturbed pasts. Seeing that alone was hard.. as this means that he was put into a foster home…. I talked to the lady there who then referred me to another lady who from my understanding was his case manager. When I called, she was a parole officer. My mind is running rampant and I am being questioned as to who I am.. how many ways can a person say, I am his mother.. But, I do understand that I have never been mentioned before, and how would she know who I am. I answer a few of her questions and then get told that she needs to find out what she is able to tell me and do as far as letting me talk to him. So now I am again at the whims of someone else who has control of whether or not I can talk with my son. But, at least there is a chance. So I wait for the return phone call.

Busy, Busy, Busy.. It was good that we didn’t have the little ones until Christmas day because it was crazy. People, and puppies and presents oh my.

I was so excited as my Master met us on Friday just after noon and we went to High Priestess in Salem where I got my nipples and tongue pierced. I was going to get my hood pierced but evidently, my anatomy denied me.. too small. Which is fine, my tongue piercing will have its uses I’m sure.

For Christmas, I felt like the old granny giving much needed clothes and shoes, but they really needed it, and they are cool clothes and shoes :) They got a lot of toys too, but money was tight.  But I managed to make sure that everyone in our family received at least one present. I like anyone else realizes that Christmas is not about the presents, but family. Sure there are many reasons for different people, and I do agree that the commercialization of the holiday is sad, but we all make it the best day possible. Which we did.

We watched Lord of the Rings extended version trilogy, Christmas Vacation, and A Christmas Story. I made fudge, and the Christmas dinner then we all relaxed with the family.

Then the recovery from the holidays begins. What day is this? Oh right.. So we start with  Monday  which was non existent and banks aren’t open.. what’s with that?.. can you say zombie? Tuesday starting to come out of holiday shock, and then today.. back to my usual schedule. YAY. Even put most of the Christmas things away.. leaving out the tree in the livingroom for the party this Saturday.  Dogs got baths, as did Snuggles and Sephiroth, puppies are snuggled and cuddled, and more left overs..  Tonight has been relaxing as we watched some tv shows and am now finishing up watching Eurotrip. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

So that is a catch up from the my last post. I will be back on track with posting.

Goodnight from lil girl

I didn’t want to bore people with the details between when I began to now, so I shant.

Now, we live in a 3 bedroom two bath home in the capitol of Oregon. Our home consists of our girl and her three kids, ages 12, 5, and 4 and our roommates who are also into the lifestyle which I will call Papa L, T, and S another poly relationship. I have my Master D, and then my awesome Daddy. Our relationship with our girl is purely service oriented, and then the three children are like our own. Confused yet? I am the Alpha slave of the home meaning that I manage the other girls when it comes to duties of the home, and of course the children.  And Dom’s think they have it tough.. sheesh.  We also have five dogs, seven cats, two ferrets, and two horses. Luckily not all of them are in the house, and no the horses are not in our backyard.

Is your head spinning yet? So how does this work?

Well here is how things go. I have a chore list, and a meal list for everyone, including the kids to follow. There are certain things that I know I can ask the two girls which are not Daddy’s to do around the house, and everything else I go through Papa L. I keep on top of our girl and assist her with things that Daddy expects which is usually following his rules and her behavior. I too have my rules from Daddy, and then there are other rules in which I have from my Master to follow. My Daddy and Master communicate through me, as well as to each other in order to keep things running smoothly. So see, having two Dominants can work.

As far as the bills, we split them up by how many adults are in the house, and same goes for food costs. I am in control of the bills that are in our name, and then they are in control of bills that are in their name.

Mainly our girl and I serve Daddy, but now and again, the two others also serve Daddy, just as we also serve Papa L.

So that is how things work in our home.

In 2009 I would never have thought that an role playing session with a friend would turn into a BDSM learning experience which catapulted me into a whole new world. Now granted, before this time I was not new to exploring other options sexually, nor was I new to the lifestyle of being submissive as my mother was very Dominant and had her things the way she liked them and I was to do as I was told, or else. But this, was different. Or rather, is different. Instead of fearing the repercussions if I did not do something as I was expected to, I hungered to do as I was told and took pride in it. How odd it was to have to put myself in a corner and take a picture of myself there in order to prove to my online Dominant that I had done as I was told. I quickly moved on from online into finding someone who was local and we all get excited and rush into things before really figuring out what we are doing.. okay.. maybe not all.. but I definitely did.

Don’t get me wrong. C is a great Dominant, as long as it is for someone else. During this time, my husband didn’t quite know what to think of the whole BDSM thing. He is a old fashioned country boy from Idaho who was taught that you never hit a girl, and especially not your wife…. and yet, I really wanted him to.. not in the pin me down and punch the living shit out of me type of way mind you, but with flogging, scratching, drumming.. as I had been learning about through the websites that I was now so hungry to find any information possible on this new way of life. One thing that I am very lucky for is that my husband has always been supportive of me through this journey. He has always been my Daddy.

We started going to munches in our area and met some people within the kink community, and in fact became close to a couple that soon became our roommates. I will call them L and T. Through them we met others and started going to a dungeon in Eugene which was a first for us. We mostly enjoyed watching, but it was also at this dungeon that I had my first taste of fire play and I was hooked. I had always been a bit of a pyromaniac, but in a controlled way :) , and this was an incredible outlet for my addiction to fire. Later on I was introduced to another fire Dom which I will call F. But that, as I mentioned, comes later.

Our two story three bedroom townhouse soon became a kink house. We had small parties where we experimented with breath play, scratching, and sometimes flogging. Bondage was also introduced.

I had been without a Dominant for a couple months when I saw D, my Master and lover at a munch. Not long after I grew confident enough to message him on Fetlife and we began chatting back and forth, then met for coffee one night. That night we both knew that we were meant to be together. It wasn’t long before I was going over to his house on Friday nights. I was so nervous.. I remember the first night that I was there and stripped for him. I was so insecure about my body due to past abuse ( Not from my husband, but previous husband and mother. Both very shallow and big time into image, which I did not fit into their standards. Anyhow, I digress.) From this night on, I knew I was on a very different journey. I loved, and love a man that is not my husband, which was very strange to me, but thanks to my incredible husband who reassured me that my feelings are not bad and that again, he fully supported us, I submitted to D.

One thing that most people that met us, as in my husband and I, ask  is.. why is your husband not your Dominant? Well, I am submissive to my husband in many ways, but for us, we didn’t start out this way. I was the one running the house, the bills, and for many years we had to struggle to rebuild his confidence due to the abuse from his mother. So when we began exploring this lifestyle, I didn’t feel that type of Dominance from him. Now, the Dominance is just different and both He and my Master have their places in my life just as I do for them.