Submission has many faces and many attributes, it is different depending upon who you are serving as one person’s way to be served may not be the same as another. This is why there is always training, rules, and rituals that are specific. For a sub or slave this can be frustrating as from what I have seen, and in fact experienced myself, we expect things to be the same. Shouldn’t every Dominant like being called Sir or Master? Every Dominant is strict and expects me to present myself when He/She arrives right? Then there is how one speaks to a Dominant. What may be playful to one Dominant, is disrespectful to another. So many things can get screwy and put both the Dominant and the sub/slave in the wrong mindset or mood right from the beginning. Not that this always happens mind you, and it won’t if you take precautions.

The best advice that I can give on this when getting to know a new Dominant and to have things work with your current Dominant  is to never make assumptions. Here is also some things to think about not just when getting to know a new Dominant, but  also during the relationship:

  • Communicate
  • Ask about all of the preferences of your Dominant. This is for all situations: online, live in, live out, and any other manner possible .
  • Create a Butler’s Book which details all of the little things that you need to know such as food that He/She likes or despises, allergies to foods, medication allergies, drink preferences and even when He/She likes or expects to have such drinks. How does He/She like to be asked questions, How you are to greet your Dom, What types of clothes to put out for your Dom and when. What types of hygiene products to keep on hand, does He/She want back up stock of those products?  This list can go on and on, and the best thing to do is sit down with your Dominant and make a list of what He/She wishes to have in the Butler Book. I have found that it is best to have this both in digital form in order to email to people whom are hosting a party and request the preferences of the Dominants which are present, and one printed out.
  • Keep a journal. Most Dominants allow for their submissives to keep a personal journal, and one in which they can read which is either private, or public. This helps to detail how things went, what worked well and what didn’t. What did you learn from both positive and negative experiences. How can you turn the negative experiences into positive ones. Dreams and desires, goals, and especially fantasies.
  • Try new things that He/She may have mentioned liking but you have never done or rarely do. Example: Sending him or her a picture of the meal that you have been approved to eat, or outfit on you that has been picked out.
  • Express your gratitude not only for what has been given or allowed, but also what has been not allowed as in most cases, those restricted things are not good for you either physically or mentally in some way or another. Or.. it could just be that He/She is a sadist. Which, is always appealing to them to have you say thank you for their sadistic ways. I know a thing or two about that. :)

This is just a starting point, and I definitely welcome any additional comments on what works for people and what hasn’t. Just remember that golden rule, which is to communicate.