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I didn’t want to bore people with the details between when I began to now, so I shant.

Now, we live in a 3 bedroom two bath home in the capitol of Oregon. Our home consists of our girl and her three kids, ages 12, 5, and 4 and our roommates who are also into the lifestyle which I will call Papa L, T, and S another poly relationship. I have my Master D, and then my awesome Daddy. Our relationship with our girl is purely service oriented, and then the three children are like our own. Confused yet? I am the Alpha slave of the home meaning that I manage the other girls when it comes to duties of the home, and of course the children.  And Dom’s think they have it tough.. sheesh.  We also have five dogs, seven cats, two ferrets, and two horses. Luckily not all of them are in the house, and no the horses are not in our backyard.

Is your head spinning yet? So how does this work?

Well here is how things go. I have a chore list, and a meal list for everyone, including the kids to follow. There are certain things that I know I can ask the two girls which are not Daddy’s to do around the house, and everything else I go through Papa L. I keep on top of our girl and assist her with things that Daddy expects which is usually following his rules and her behavior. I too have my rules from Daddy, and then there are other rules in which I have from my Master to follow. My Daddy and Master communicate through me, as well as to each other in order to keep things running smoothly. So see, having two Dominants can work.

As far as the bills, we split them up by how many adults are in the house, and same goes for food costs. I am in control of the bills that are in our name, and then they are in control of bills that are in their name.

Mainly our girl and I serve Daddy, but now and again, the two others also serve Daddy, just as we also serve Papa L.

So that is how things work in our home.

In 2009 when I began getting involved in the local kink community, I realized that there was nothing really out there which was geared towards educating people on different types of S&M play, as well as touching upon those personal subjects that people need to know they are not alone on. Sure there are the munches, but that was more of a social show and tell, and in most cases, a meat market. A new group did pop up, but it still didn’t cover the things that most newer people were interested in. So, with the help of a newcomer from Colorado, Submission in Motion was created.

I held gatherings at our home where I invited experienced people to come in and discuss or demonstrate different areas of the kinky world such as knife play, breath play, fire play, as well as different types of service like grooming, clothing care, boot blacking, and those sensitive areas like how to deal with the green eyed monster which pops up in different situations, how to deal with past and present abuse and the outcomes such as PTSD and how to work with the triggers in a D/s relationship.

With help from my husband after my partner decided to back out it ran strong for 8 months before finances forced us to move. Due to the location out in the country, we were unable to have our gatherings, but then when we moved back into town, we started them up again and in fact made Submission in Motion into a non-profit organization with the mission to educate and support the community in the areas of sensuality, sexuality, and service. In October of 2011, we celebrated our 1 year anniversary and are excited to see where we will go from here. You can check out our website at www.nwsim.org

Submission has many faces and many attributes, it is different depending upon who you are serving as one person’s way to be served may not be the same as another. This is why there is always training, rules, and rituals that are specific. For a sub or slave this can be frustrating as from what I have seen, and in fact experienced myself, we expect things to be the same. Shouldn’t every Dominant like being called Sir or Master? Every Dominant is strict and expects me to present myself when He/She arrives right? Then there is how one speaks to a Dominant. What may be playful to one Dominant, is disrespectful to another. So many things can get screwy and put both the Dominant and the sub/slave in the wrong mindset or mood right from the beginning. Not that this always happens mind you, and it won’t if you take precautions.

The best advice that I can give on this when getting to know a new Dominant and to have things work with your current Dominant  is to never make assumptions. Here is also some things to think about not just when getting to know a new Dominant, but  also during the relationship:

  • Communicate
  • Ask about all of the preferences of your Dominant. This is for all situations: online, live in, live out, and any other manner possible .
  • Create a Butler’s Book which details all of the little things that you need to know such as food that He/She likes or despises, allergies to foods, medication allergies, drink preferences and even when He/She likes or expects to have such drinks. How does He/She like to be asked questions, How you are to greet your Dom, What types of clothes to put out for your Dom and when. What types of hygiene products to keep on hand, does He/She want back up stock of those products?  This list can go on and on, and the best thing to do is sit down with your Dominant and make a list of what He/She wishes to have in the Butler Book. I have found that it is best to have this both in digital form in order to email to people whom are hosting a party and request the preferences of the Dominants which are present, and one printed out.
  • Keep a journal. Most Dominants allow for their submissives to keep a personal journal, and one in which they can read which is either private, or public. This helps to detail how things went, what worked well and what didn’t. What did you learn from both positive and negative experiences. How can you turn the negative experiences into positive ones. Dreams and desires, goals, and especially fantasies.
  • Try new things that He/She may have mentioned liking but you have never done or rarely do. Example: Sending him or her a picture of the meal that you have been approved to eat, or outfit on you that has been picked out.
  • Express your gratitude not only for what has been given or allowed, but also what has been not allowed as in most cases, those restricted things are not good for you either physically or mentally in some way or another. Or.. it could just be that He/She is a sadist. Which, is always appealing to them to have you say thank you for their sadistic ways. I know a thing or two about that. :)

This is just a starting point, and I definitely welcome any additional comments on what works for people and what hasn’t. Just remember that golden rule, which is to communicate.

 

In 2009 I would never have thought that an role playing session with a friend would turn into a BDSM learning experience which catapulted me into a whole new world. Now granted, before this time I was not new to exploring other options sexually, nor was I new to the lifestyle of being submissive as my mother was very Dominant and had her things the way she liked them and I was to do as I was told, or else. But this, was different. Or rather, is different. Instead of fearing the repercussions if I did not do something as I was expected to, I hungered to do as I was told and took pride in it. How odd it was to have to put myself in a corner and take a picture of myself there in order to prove to my online Dominant that I had done as I was told. I quickly moved on from online into finding someone who was local and we all get excited and rush into things before really figuring out what we are doing.. okay.. maybe not all.. but I definitely did.

Don’t get me wrong. C is a great Dominant, as long as it is for someone else. During this time, my husband didn’t quite know what to think of the whole BDSM thing. He is a old fashioned country boy from Idaho who was taught that you never hit a girl, and especially not your wife…. and yet, I really wanted him to.. not in the pin me down and punch the living shit out of me type of way mind you, but with flogging, scratching, drumming.. as I had been learning about through the websites that I was now so hungry to find any information possible on this new way of life. One thing that I am very lucky for is that my husband has always been supportive of me through this journey. He has always been my Daddy.

We started going to munches in our area and met some people within the kink community, and in fact became close to a couple that soon became our roommates. I will call them L and T. Through them we met others and started going to a dungeon in Eugene which was a first for us. We mostly enjoyed watching, but it was also at this dungeon that I had my first taste of fire play and I was hooked. I had always been a bit of a pyromaniac, but in a controlled way :) , and this was an incredible outlet for my addiction to fire. Later on I was introduced to another fire Dom which I will call F. But that, as I mentioned, comes later.

Our two story three bedroom townhouse soon became a kink house. We had small parties where we experimented with breath play, scratching, and sometimes flogging. Bondage was also introduced.

I had been without a Dominant for a couple months when I saw D, my Master and lover at a munch. Not long after I grew confident enough to message him on Fetlife and we began chatting back and forth, then met for coffee one night. That night we both knew that we were meant to be together. It wasn’t long before I was going over to his house on Friday nights. I was so nervous.. I remember the first night that I was there and stripped for him. I was so insecure about my body due to past abuse ( Not from my husband, but previous husband and mother. Both very shallow and big time into image, which I did not fit into their standards. Anyhow, I digress.) From this night on, I knew I was on a very different journey. I loved, and love a man that is not my husband, which was very strange to me, but thanks to my incredible husband who reassured me that my feelings are not bad and that again, he fully supported us, I submitted to D.

One thing that most people that met us, as in my husband and I, ask  is.. why is your husband not your Dominant? Well, I am submissive to my husband in many ways, but for us, we didn’t start out this way. I was the one running the house, the bills, and for many years we had to struggle to rebuild his confidence due to the abuse from his mother. So when we began exploring this lifestyle, I didn’t feel that type of Dominance from him. Now, the Dominance is just different and both He and my Master have their places in my life just as I do for them.

Prompt taken from Submissive Guide : Submission is often described as the most precious gift a submissive can offer a Dominant. Others don’t believe that submission is a gift at all. What is your opinion about this? Once you have an opinion, then consider the other opinion and talk about how they could or could not be right as well. How would you describe your submission to your Dominant?

 

Let’s break apart this word in the first place, submission… to submit, the act of submitting. No one can force you to truly submit. In my opinion it is just as powerful as to replace the word submit with surrender. Sure anyone can be forced into submitting but then are you really giving your whole self to your Dominant? No. You have to want to submit to your Dominant.  So is submission a gift? In my opinion it is. It is something that I willingly offer to my Dominant.

It is confusing to me to not see submission as a gift and I haven’t met anyone who feels that it isn’t so I am going off of my own thoughts as to why someone would think that it is not and this is what I came up with: submission is not a gift because it has to be earned. Hmm. See’ this feels more like a compatibility issue than anything, I mean I can understand not fully submitting to someone you just met until there is a comfort level reached but once you are past that, again, if you are not willingly surrendering aka submitting then who is really in control here?

As to change things up and make this to where it is not just an essay type of posting, I have decided to describe my submission to my Dominant.. in a letter.

My Dearest Dominant,

If I were to describe my submission to you, I would say that it is the very life-force that keeps me going. I live to serve you and offer myself to you with love and trust that I do not even give to the two people in which created me. I am your pain slut, your cuddle slut, your slut, your drinking partner, your confidant, your foot stool, your pet, and anything else that you wish me to be as I know regardless of your sadistic ways, you would never harm me and do look out for my best interests. I am that loyal dog which regardless of what you do to me, I will still be there at your feet longing for your attention.

With love, submission, and service,

Your girl SehAnru